tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post7386958994476911857..comments2023-09-07T05:09:13.736-07:00Comments on Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: Small ImpressionsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03554662447246962880noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-10831627756094329702012-10-16T17:03:27.261-07:002012-10-16T17:03:27.261-07:00Anonymous has left a new comment on your post &quo...Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Small Impressions": <br /><br />I kind of like the ending. I do think it should be fleshed out more. Great work!Kgwaitenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-85626251877149239362012-10-16T13:56:09.227-07:002012-10-16T13:56:09.227-07:00I kind of like the ending. I do think it should be...I kind of like the ending. I do think it should be fleshed out more. Great work! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-57144981781908834872012-10-10T18:46:50.779-07:002012-10-10T18:46:50.779-07:00Wow, pretty dark for you. Wow, pretty dark for you. Meumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-59055664252426321542012-10-10T05:25:55.084-07:002012-10-10T05:25:55.084-07:00This is terribly heart-breaking. Which is what you...This is terribly heart-breaking. Which is what you were going for, so well done on that. However, I have to agree with the others who left comments - jumping back to the mother really pulls the reader out of the emotional state you put them in with a sharp jerk and it doesn't work. Maybe Cassidy can reiterate the "long walk" theme of the prompt to a neighboring child?Eric Storchhttp://www.facebook.com/eric.storch.5noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-9451395644499855192012-10-09T14:25:04.562-07:002012-10-09T14:25:04.562-07:00I agree that the transition was abrupt, but I like...I agree that the transition was abrupt, but I like how you returned to the mother. In fact, I think you could even add more to the ending. In the beginning, the mother seems inhumanly shallow. I think the piece would be more emotive if you fleshed out her character by making her more relatable and realistic. But I liked it!:)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-46796522685887230212012-10-09T13:41:16.534-07:002012-10-09T13:41:16.534-07:00Cassidy sounds like a great kid.. and anyone who w...Cassidy sounds like a great kid.. and anyone who would treat her this way is less than pathetic. I tend to agree with Carrie (below) in that I would rather the story end with Cassidy (no suggestions so It's easy for me to say) but taking the story back to the boyfriend and the mother....? They don't deserve the ink. Your discriptions of Cassidy and the things she is doing to occupy her time are marvelous. Great word pictures.jaumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-70860654172827498502012-10-09T13:27:17.042-07:002012-10-09T13:27:17.042-07:00it's a sad story of an abandoned child. Cassid...it's a sad story of an abandoned child. Cassidy doesn't have much of a life before her.<br /><br />My only issue is with the ending. The jump from her sitting under the tree to the boyfriend waking up seemed too sudden. The connection between the two wasn't really there. I think you either need to remove those last lines or flesh out the boyfriend a bit. Why does he, unlike the others, care where she is?Carriehttp://viewsfromnature.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009654420271577413.post-74895313924280049252012-10-09T12:25:58.711-07:002012-10-09T12:25:58.711-07:00*!http://j.mp/PcSGyR*!http://j.mp/PcSGyRLollapaloosaBiduous69noreply@blogger.com