Breakthrough

“It’s cold.”  Will’s words emerged from his mouth upon lazy clouds and hung in the crisp air.  He stamped his feet on the porch of his fiancée’s family cabin and blew into gloved hands.

“There’s a trail through the woods.”  Marie pointed to a tree-lined path lit by the full moon and hundreds of stars pricking through the sky.  “It’s beautiful after a snowfall.” 

The snow was thickly crusted.   It crunched and squeaked beneath their feet.  Every step they took hovered on the seemingly solid surface of the snow before crunching through.

Marie fell through up to her knees.  She hauled herself back up, laughing. 

“Walk in my boot prints,” Will said.




She walked behind him, staring at his back.  With every step she took in his path, her heart sank.  She’d followed him everywhere: to high school.  To college.  She’d even followed him to her job.  She realized she’d been following people all her life.  Had she agreed to marry Will out of love or in order to have someone to walk behind?  Would this be the extent of their lives together, he leading, she following?

He paused.  Wrapped his arms around himself.  “I hate this weather,” he said, not turning around to look at her.  “Let’s move south after the wedding.”

“I like it here.”

He turned.  Grinned his dazzling grin, slow and easy and bright as moonlight.  “You’d do it for me.”

She shook her head. 

“You wouldn’t be able to stay here on your own.”

She removed her glove and slid the ring from her finger.

His smile disappeared.  “What are you doing?”

She took his gloved hand and pressed the ring into it.  “Your love no longer holds sway over me, Will.”

Then she stepped from the path and headed into the woods, forging a path of her own, her boots breaking through the snow at every step. 

And the snow falling into her boots gave her an unexpected rush of pleasure.

This was written in response to the Trifecta Writing Challenge.  This week's word was sway.

Labels:

Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: Breakthrough

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Breakthrough

“It’s cold.”  Will’s words emerged from his mouth upon lazy clouds and hung in the crisp air.  He stamped his feet on the porch of his fiancée’s family cabin and blew into gloved hands.

“There’s a trail through the woods.”  Marie pointed to a tree-lined path lit by the full moon and hundreds of stars pricking through the sky.  “It’s beautiful after a snowfall.” 

The snow was thickly crusted.   It crunched and squeaked beneath their feet.  Every step they took hovered on the seemingly solid surface of the snow before crunching through.

Marie fell through up to her knees.  She hauled herself back up, laughing. 

“Walk in my boot prints,” Will said.




She walked behind him, staring at his back.  With every step she took in his path, her heart sank.  She’d followed him everywhere: to high school.  To college.  She’d even followed him to her job.  She realized she’d been following people all her life.  Had she agreed to marry Will out of love or in order to have someone to walk behind?  Would this be the extent of their lives together, he leading, she following?

He paused.  Wrapped his arms around himself.  “I hate this weather,” he said, not turning around to look at her.  “Let’s move south after the wedding.”

“I like it here.”

He turned.  Grinned his dazzling grin, slow and easy and bright as moonlight.  “You’d do it for me.”

She shook her head. 

“You wouldn’t be able to stay here on your own.”

She removed her glove and slid the ring from her finger.

His smile disappeared.  “What are you doing?”

She took his gloved hand and pressed the ring into it.  “Your love no longer holds sway over me, Will.”

Then she stepped from the path and headed into the woods, forging a path of her own, her boots breaking through the snow at every step. 

And the snow falling into her boots gave her an unexpected rush of pleasure.

This was written in response to the Trifecta Writing Challenge.  This week's word was sway.

Labels:

10 Comments:

At January 18, 2012 at 4:21 AM , Anonymous Lance said...

That moment when you or a character feels empowered is awesome. This is one of those rare times when a flash fiction or small piece has a better middle than beginning and end.

This is really well done. More please.

 
At January 18, 2012 at 7:46 AM , Anonymous Deborah Lawrenson said...

Great image in the opening paragraph of the words hanging in the cold air!

 
At January 18, 2012 at 2:59 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Deborah.

 
At January 18, 2012 at 3:00 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

I like how you take your novel and keep working the prompts into it. I've totally abandoned my WIP to do a lot of these flash pieces which will probably end up nowhere, but they're a heck of a lot of fun to write.

 
At January 19, 2012 at 8:11 PM , Anonymous jesterqueen1 said...

I love the moments when people fall out of love. As a writer, they captivate me far more than the moments they fall into love. (I have no idea how I ended up in a happy, stable marriage). So this moment of her realizing that he can't control her with her love and that she can, in fact, be her own person, is very powerful for me.

 
At January 20, 2012 at 4:53 AM , Anonymous Satu Gustafson said...

That was my favourite, too. (Will’s words emerged from his mouth upon lazy clouds and hung in the crisp air.) I instantly had the image in my head. This was good. I liked the turn it takes and the image of her walking in his boot prints making her realise she didn't want to get married for the wrong reasons.

 
At January 20, 2012 at 4:56 AM , Anonymous Tara R. said...

Nicely done! The imagery of her both figuratively and literally following in his foot steps, then heading out on her own is very powerful.

 
At January 20, 2012 at 8:39 AM , Anonymous Michael Yost said...

I agree with Lance. Plus the dialogue seems closer to reality for me.

 
At January 22, 2012 at 1:20 PM , Anonymous Amelia said...

I've been there, good for her!

 
At January 23, 2012 at 4:10 AM , Anonymous Trifeta said...

Thanks for joining up again this week. I always enjoy your pieces and I love how varied they are each week. This week's is another really good piece of writing and your opening paragraph brilliantly sets the scene. Looking forward to next week.

 

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