Proposal


The phone rang at 4am.  Caryn didn’t answer: Bad news was best heard over coffee.  
She padded to the kitchen.

 Seth’s courage waned.  His proposal sounded dull.  He disconnected.

Caryn drank her coffee alone, waiting for the ring.

This was written in response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge.  Here was our assignment:

Complete the following story in exactly 33 words:

The phone rang at 4am.

Labels:

Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: Proposal

Friday, March 2, 2012

Proposal


The phone rang at 4am.  Caryn didn’t answer: Bad news was best heard over coffee.  
She padded to the kitchen.

 Seth’s courage waned.  His proposal sounded dull.  He disconnected.

Caryn drank her coffee alone, waiting for the ring.

This was written in response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge.  Here was our assignment:

Complete the following story in exactly 33 words:

The phone rang at 4am.

Labels:

27 Comments:

At March 2, 2012 at 6:54 AM , Anonymous jaum said...

Thirty Three words, yet we know a little about the people in it, a little plot developing, and the last line "waiting for the ring" The phone, or one for her finger? She needs to ans the phone...

 
At March 2, 2012 at 1:28 PM , Blogger Megan said...

I can't help feeling sorry for the guy. I do have a soft spot for losers though. ;)

 
At March 2, 2012 at 6:00 PM , Anonymous Tara R. said...

The implied words are strong in this piece. Well done.

 
At March 2, 2012 at 6:05 PM , Anonymous Carrie said...

Oh, miscommunication extreme!

But really, who calls at 4am to propose?

 
At March 2, 2012 at 6:25 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Tara.

 
At March 2, 2012 at 6:25 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Too late.

 
At March 2, 2012 at 6:26 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Cowards?

 
At March 3, 2012 at 5:02 AM , Anonymous LetMeStartBySaying said...

I like that I don't know whether Caryn is being cruel or kind, and whether Seth's proposal was even genuine. What's left unsaid piques my curiosity.
Came from the Trifextra linkup.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 5:42 AM , Anonymous Mel @ According To Mags said...

She seems so nonchalant about this poor guy's proposal, I don't want her to answer the phone. Save him the misery. Well written!

 
At March 3, 2012 at 7:01 AM , Anonymous Amanda McLeod said...

You really captured a lot (of story, feeling, etc.) in so few words!

 
At March 3, 2012 at 7:04 AM , Anonymous The Mommy Patient said...

I love Cayrn's immediate reaction. That really drew me in.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 9:54 AM , Anonymous Sharpl Little Pencil said...

Beautiful. And your line, "Bad news was best heard over coffee," brilliant. Sounds like the answering machine picked up?

Men who propose at 4 am are usually proposing they drop by to get a little. But that's just my cynical experience from the Bad Old Days! Thanks, Amy Barlow Liberatore

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:30 PM , Anonymous SadieCass said...

So simple, yet powerful. wonderfully done.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:40 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Sadie.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:41 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

thanks for reading!

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:42 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks for reading. This was so much longer and explained so much more and, well, there are those 33 words to adhere to.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:42 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks. I was afraid I didn't get enough in. This one was tough for me.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:43 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks for reading! I don't think she actually knew a proposal was forthcoming.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 12:43 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Piques my curiosity, too! Thanks for reading!

 
At March 3, 2012 at 1:37 PM , Anonymous TLanceB said...

anticipation.....well done

 
At March 4, 2012 at 4:39 AM , Anonymous Trifectawritingchallenge said...

Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so make sure you visit the site at the close of the challenge to vote. Our linking service will not allow you to vote for a link from the same computer where it was submitted, so plan ahead! Voting closes 12 hours after the close of the challenge. Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.

 
At March 4, 2012 at 7:00 AM , Anonymous Jesterqueen said...

Should have answered, Caryn! Not all news at 4AM is bad.

 
At March 4, 2012 at 7:24 AM , Anonymous Jill Khoury said...

Yeah! I liked this one. Also, nice use of "ring" at the end.

 
At March 4, 2012 at 12:35 PM , Anonymous FGHart said...

Nice play on words.

 
At March 4, 2012 at 4:48 PM , Anonymous Mytrifectaemail said...

I agree, love the pun. I really feel sorry for both of them!
A Dot

 
At March 4, 2012 at 5:56 PM , Anonymous Dana said...

Aww, a case of miscommunication and missed opportunity... so brilliantly captured in 33 words. Great job!

 
At March 4, 2012 at 9:07 PM , Anonymous karen said...

Wow. I did not expect that.

Funniest thing is that is so believable: that a guy would think proposing at 4 am would be okay and that a practical minded woman would simply not answer the phone. =) Very pleasing!

 

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