Stop

“There’s nothing cute about it,” he said. The register of his voice indicated decision more so than discussion.

She disagreed heartily and privately, staring past his head and out the window behind him.  Her opinion cost a beating.

“Prancing about doesn’t finish chores.”

“Stop dancing,” she told Ellen.

“Make me.” 

She coveted Ellen’s courage.   She feared for her life.  While he watched, she punched their child.


This was written in response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge.  This week, we were given the first thirty-three words of a story, which we were to continue in exactly thirty-three years.


Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: Stop

Friday, March 23, 2012

Stop

“There’s nothing cute about it,” he said. The register of his voice indicated decision more so than discussion.

She disagreed heartily and privately, staring past his head and out the window behind him.  Her opinion cost a beating.

“Prancing about doesn’t finish chores.”

“Stop dancing,” she told Ellen.

“Make me.” 

She coveted Ellen’s courage.   She feared for her life.  While he watched, she punched their child.


This was written in response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge.  This week, we were given the first thirty-three words of a story, which we were to continue in exactly thirty-three years.


11 Comments:

At March 23, 2012 at 7:35 PM , Anonymous barbara said...

sigh

 
At March 23, 2012 at 11:14 PM , Anonymous OldDogNewTits said...

A sad story. A lot said in a short time. :(

 
At March 24, 2012 at 9:26 AM , Blogger Kim Green said...

*yuck*....But I mean that in the best way...as in, I felt the mire of their situation.:):)

 
At March 24, 2012 at 9:28 AM , Blogger Kim Green said...

Replying on my phone, Kim Green, also known as: Kim@Amommaly

 
At March 24, 2012 at 8:18 PM , Anonymous Nicole Leigh Shaw said...

I'm a little thrown by the characters. I can't quite keep track. There's the dancing child, the warning father, the angry and abusive mother.

Is there another sibling? Is that who is in awe of Ellen's courage as well as in fear for Ellen's life?

It's a piece that grabs me. It's frightening and dark. Even if I am a tad confused.

 
At March 25, 2012 at 6:27 AM , Anonymous Leslicollins said...

I think you nailed this. You've conveyed the desperateness of this mother's action/situation.

 
At March 25, 2012 at 9:43 AM , Anonymous Libby Rodriguez said...

She HAS to do this or else the father will, and he will hit the kid a lot harder - right?

 
At March 25, 2012 at 10:48 AM , Anonymous The Mommy Patient said...

This was my take on it, too. But in either case both parents are tragic. Time for Ellen to start reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

 
At March 25, 2012 at 12:30 PM , Anonymous Rhi said...

Quite intense for so few words.

 
At March 25, 2012 at 3:37 PM , Anonymous karen said...

Ouch. The darker side. Well done and with so few words.

 
At March 26, 2012 at 4:48 AM , Anonymous Trifecta said...

Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so I hope you were able to cast your votes. (There’s still just over two hours left if not!) Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.

 

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