Sanitized


Eva perches upon the corner of the narrow bed, and runs a hand across the sheets, crisp and white. They smell of Clorox and this fact makes her laugh for no good reason.

"A laugh. That's unusual." The man in the white coat leans against the wall, arms crossed. Beside him is a rectangular window that allows her a narrow glimpse of the outside world. The before world, as she has come to think of it. The window's metal bars are unnecessary: No adult would be able to squeeze through that opening. "What's funny?"

"The bleach." She crosses her legs and sees that she's too thin. "My life has been completely sanitized. Fresh and clean; new and white."


The man puts a frown on his face and tilts his head. "What do you mean?"

"Where are my children?"

"Eva, I can't disclose..."

"My husband?"

"Eva, we agreed..."

"No. You agreed. You and whoever else is listening in on our conversation." She tilts her head to the ceiling. "I know you're there."

"No one is listening, Eva."

"Where am I?"

"Why does that matter?"

She shrugs, tired now.

He consults his watch, daintily holding the square face between his thumb and forefinger. "I see our time is up."

"No, please..."

He extracts a syringe from his pocket and she notices that the stitching is just a tiny bit off, like a car listing slightly to the left. He approaches the bed.

"They told me my life was pedantic," she says, desperate now, as he takes her arm.

He nods and inserts the needle into her vein. Just before the world goes dark again, she grabs his wrist. "I only wanted to prove them wrong."

This was written for this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge. The word was pedantic.





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Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: Sanitized

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Sanitized


Eva perches upon the corner of the narrow bed, and runs a hand across the sheets, crisp and white. They smell of Clorox and this fact makes her laugh for no good reason.

"A laugh. That's unusual." The man in the white coat leans against the wall, arms crossed. Beside him is a rectangular window that allows her a narrow glimpse of the outside world. The before world, as she has come to think of it. The window's metal bars are unnecessary: No adult would be able to squeeze through that opening. "What's funny?"

"The bleach." She crosses her legs and sees that she's too thin. "My life has been completely sanitized. Fresh and clean; new and white."


The man puts a frown on his face and tilts his head. "What do you mean?"

"Where are my children?"

"Eva, I can't disclose..."

"My husband?"

"Eva, we agreed..."

"No. You agreed. You and whoever else is listening in on our conversation." She tilts her head to the ceiling. "I know you're there."

"No one is listening, Eva."

"Where am I?"

"Why does that matter?"

She shrugs, tired now.

He consults his watch, daintily holding the square face between his thumb and forefinger. "I see our time is up."

"No, please..."

He extracts a syringe from his pocket and she notices that the stitching is just a tiny bit off, like a car listing slightly to the left. He approaches the bed.

"They told me my life was pedantic," she says, desperate now, as he takes her arm.

He nods and inserts the needle into her vein. Just before the world goes dark again, she grabs his wrist. "I only wanted to prove them wrong."

This was written for this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge. The word was pedantic.





Labels: ,

19 Comments:

At May 21, 2013 at 2:17 PM , Blogger Jester Queen said...

Woah! Very 1984. I'm terrified for the husband and kids.

 
At May 21, 2013 at 2:45 PM , Anonymous injaynesworld said...

Would love to know more about Eva's "before life." It sounds like it could have been similar to the character in my current post.

Love your glorious details, like when she looks down at her legs and thinks them too thin. And the smell of Clorox... You're truly amazing, Kelly. I always know when I visit that it's going to be well worth my time. So thank you.

 
At May 21, 2013 at 3:32 PM , OpenID walkertoennien said...

this is just wicked... Oh, the image shivers up my spine!

 
At May 21, 2013 at 4:15 PM , OpenID jannatwrites said...

Wow, what on earth did she do to end up there? I can't figure out if she's mentally ill (paranoia) or if she's sane and just something crazy.

 
At May 21, 2013 at 5:16 PM , Blogger j umbaugh said...

That was an appetizer as the recent critique stated in http://ecowatch.com/2013/downriver-fracking-and-consumerism-eroding-rural-communities/

Now more!

 
At May 21, 2013 at 6:41 PM , Anonymous steph said...

Kelly you grabbed the trifecta 33 placement this week.. cool. I love the description of the unnecessary bars on the window you couldn't squeeze through. Details like that make you sit up and take notice. Great piece, spooky, and how I'd like to know what she did..

 
At May 21, 2013 at 10:51 PM , Blogger Jo-Anne Teal said...

This short piece was incredibly powerful. I too liked the phrasing which provided hints to the full story. Well done, Kelly.

 
At May 22, 2013 at 3:43 AM , Blogger Victoria KP said...

So chilling and mysterious! I love this.

 
At May 22, 2013 at 3:57 AM , Blogger Sandra Tyler said...

good use of the word! I just wrote my pedantic and have to get it up. I don't think I've ever used the third meaning before, hope I did it right..

 
At May 22, 2013 at 7:10 AM , Blogger Tara R. said...

So much about this pulled me into the story, and I'm left hungry for more.

 
At May 22, 2013 at 6:21 PM , Blogger BetaRules said...

Scary.. what next. (RogRites)

 
At May 22, 2013 at 9:25 PM , Blogger November Rain - k~ said...

Your long list of readers tell you that they like what they see, hear, feel, and smell. I am left wondering what she did to prove to "them" that it was not a pedantic life.

I would love to see this one expanded. There is so much room for more.

 
At May 23, 2013 at 6:36 AM , Blogger Draug said...

Ooo very interesting. I love the off-stitching in an otherwise square-and-clean room.

 
At May 23, 2013 at 7:39 AM , Blogger Trifecta said...

This is peculiarly good. Makes me long for more back-story.

Thank you for linking up! Please don't forget to come back to vote!

 
At May 23, 2013 at 4:04 PM , Anonymous My Inner Chick said...

I smell the Clorox,
Excellent. X

 
At May 24, 2013 at 3:06 AM , OpenID paulmclem said...

My kind of atmosphere. Like it. I voted for this in my top three. Good job!

 
At May 24, 2013 at 4:57 AM , Blogger BCIJo said...

Very creative and drew me in immediately. I wonder what she did to prove the, wrong.

 
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