First Lines

This week Trifecta asked for a 33 word opening line for our works in progress.  This is the first line from a story that's spending the summer in a drawer. 


The thin red second hand of the clock swept along without pause, bitterly discarded moments urging it forward, forward, forward as if time itself couldn’t wait to get along and see the future.

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Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: First Lines

Saturday, July 28, 2012

First Lines

This week Trifecta asked for a 33 word opening line for our works in progress.  This is the first line from a story that's spending the summer in a drawer. 


The thin red second hand of the clock swept along without pause, bitterly discarded moments urging it forward, forward, forward as if time itself couldn’t wait to get along and see the future.

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30 Comments:

At July 28, 2012 at 1:28 PM , Anonymous SAM said...

ohh..this is so inviting. I want to know more.

 
At July 28, 2012 at 2:04 PM , Blogger lumdog2012 said...

I'm out of breath reading this. I want to find out how the characters are affected by this urgent passage of time.

 
At July 28, 2012 at 5:24 PM , Anonymous Tara R. said...

Intriguing... a sense of urgency not easily ignored. I liked "bitterly discarded moments.' Great description.

 
At July 28, 2012 at 10:58 PM , Anonymous Tessa said...

hmmm would have to read on to see what this is about...bitterness could be about so many things

 
At July 28, 2012 at 11:39 PM , Anonymous JannaTWrites said...

The thought that time rushed itself, rather than us wishing it away, was intriguing.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 12:59 AM , Anonymous Trifecta said...

I like the idea of time hurling itself forward to see how it all comes out in the end. Thanks for playing along with us this week. Please come on back Monday for the new prompt.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 2:03 AM , Anonymous Rosie Smith-Nazilli said...

That second hand knows something! Descriptive. Would want to read more..x

 
At July 29, 2012 at 5:15 AM , Anonymous jaum said...

One of the great lines "bitterly discarded moments". Can't wait to see what story this introduces.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 6:48 AM , Anonymous Gina said...

Rushing time and us not rushing it? Very interesting, for sure!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 8:03 AM , Anonymous OldDogNewTits said...

Excellent. Sounds like a book I would have read in school. Yes, it's a weird comment but meant very much to be a compliment. I'm revisiting a lot of these classics with my 12-year-old right now. Great books are great books for a reason. :)

 
At July 29, 2012 at 9:39 AM , Anonymous Annabelle said...

The phrase "bitterly discarded moments" was the part that caught me; sounds like there's a lot going on here. Well done.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 11:56 AM , Anonymous Marie Nicole said...

I agree with Gina - nice twist!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:12 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Sam!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:13 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Tara. I have to confess I added bitterly just to get the word count right. Don't tell Trifecta!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:13 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks for reading! It is a bittersweet story.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:14 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Janna - Small town. Not much happening.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:14 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks! I'll have to get this out again and get back to it.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:14 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks for reading!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:15 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

This is the Daddy Sheriff story.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:15 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Gina!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:15 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks, Annabelle - There is a lot going on in this story.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:15 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks for reading Marie!

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:18 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Lumdog, your comment didn't come through, so I'm posting it here. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

I'm out of breath reading this. I want to find out how the characters are affected by this urgent passage of time.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 1:20 PM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

Thanks for reading, Old Dog. This was originally intended for a YA, but I think some of the content is going to force me to change that.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 2:42 PM , Anonymous Paula J said...

This is as close to poetry as prose can get. Take this one out of the drawer.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 4:36 PM , Anonymous Kgwaite said...

Thanks, Paula! I'm on the 4th or 5th edit and needed to take a break. It'll come out when everyone's back to school.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 5:36 PM , Anonymous Sandra said...

I like that your entry features a second hand of a clock at the opening (instead of a person), so it makes me want to know about the people in it and how they relate to this rushing of time.

 
At July 29, 2012 at 8:33 PM , Anonymous Christine Macdonald said...

Ah, the uncontrollable passing of time. Well done. I want more.

So, I'm making the rounds on Trifecta's links and really love wheat I'm reading.

Just posted my first piece, as I am brand new.

Also following you and will be back!

xo

Christine
@thatgalkiki

 
At July 29, 2012 at 10:13 PM , Anonymous The Gal Herself said...

Oh, I sense a lot of frustration in these words. This story is gonna be tension filled, isn't it?

 
At July 30, 2012 at 10:46 AM , Anonymous Cameron (CDG) said...

What does the clock see? Besides the passage of time... Curious.

 

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