Howard swiveled upon his stool to acknowledge his stepmother, a woman three years his junior, and was accosted by her cleavage. He turned away; added three packets of sugar to his coffee.
“Must you store your drink there?” Bitsy nodded at the sports bottle tucked in Lilly Jean’s ample bosom. “You’re nauseating my customers.”
“I don’t think so.” Lilly Jean reached into her purse; withdrew a pick. “Ever since I came to town, business has picked up for you.” She fluffed her hair then whipped out a can of hair spray.
Lilly Jean frowned and pulled out a bottle of red nail polish. “I don’t think Daddy Sheriff brought me here for love, Howie. I think he brought me here to fix you.” She painted her pinkie. “But I don’t think you’re the fixable type.”
Howard took a sip
of coffee.
“Your daddy never said
a thing about you when he proposed. I’m
not sure I woulda’ married him, had I known.
I got things to do, Howie.” She made her hand into a loose fist, turned
it over and began blowing upon her nails.
“Did you know, I was…”
“Runner up in Miss
Tennessee. You might have mentioned that.” Bitsy said.
“I was also in a
television commercial.”
“For shoes.
You ordering today, Lilly Jean or did you mistake my restaurant for a
beauty parlor?”
“This ain’t no
beauty parlor, Bitsy. Coffee, black. And toast with a smidge of butter. Don’t
be letting that cook of yours butter it so much I have to wring out the bread.”
She spread the fingers upon her right hand. “I been here eight months and not
one woman has made any effort to get to know me and you know why?” Lilly Jean
leaned towards Howard; made to whisper. “They’re all jealous.”
For the first time
in eighteen years, Howard snickered.
Love the ongoing story... More?
ReplyDeleteOh ZAP. That's awesome. And Bitsy was standing right there to see it, yes?
ReplyDeleteHeh. Good for Howard. And that detail about the bottle in the cleavage is so telling!
ReplyDeleteoh that Lilly Jean. She's delightful :)
ReplyDeleteI'm digging this ongoing story! Your characters are spot on!
ReplyDeleteHoward and Lilly Jean are quite a pair. I'm not sure which one I like more. Tell us more!
ReplyDeleteHahahha very nice. And "ample" and "bosom" just BELONG together. Like peanut butter.
ReplyDeleteI love Howard's snicker at the end.
ReplyDeleteThis was an entertaining read. I liked Howard's snicker at her comment about everyone being jealous. Poor thing doesn't have a clue :)
ReplyDeleteWell, people (women I suppose) put cell phones in their bras-I've seen it firsthand-so why not bottles? That little lady sounds completely out of her element.
ReplyDeleteI found this interesting. I'd like to know more about Howard. Lilly Jean is a character that, at this point, I love to hate. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI really like these characters. They draw me in easily and I want to know their whole story.
ReplyDeletegod i LOVE your character development & dialogue. always so spot on.
ReplyDeleteThis was entertaining and I totally felt like a fly on the wall. Don't much like her though. I have a friend whose Dad married a woman his age. It's creepy.
ReplyDeleteI love the details: accosted by her cleavage and then 3 packets of sugar. And the water bottle certainly tells us just how ample her cleavage is. And for the first time in 18 years - a snicker... well done... as always!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good story line!
ReplyDeleteNice job with this - at first I wasn't sure about the phrases using semicolons, but they grew on me as it went. I see some interesting / funny characters coming into focus in this
ReplyDeleteAccosted by her cleavage. Love it!
ReplyDeleteI like how you gave the woman some depth towards the end by having her admit that she didn't even know about the son. That puts the blame back on Daddio, and now I'm interested in what's going on. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteAccosted by her cleavage was great! You can't buy class and it sounds like marrying this daddy didn't give her any either. Looked the "kid's" snicker at the end! Interesting characters, fun story. Maybe a follow up to see what happens next?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she's a lovely woman if you just get to know her. Nice character study!
ReplyDeleteNicely done. natural dialogue, not easy to pull off. And I don't know about Yeah, Write. will check that one out.
ReplyDeleteThese characters are very interesting and the dialogue is very realistic. I'm looking forward to reading more of this story.
ReplyDelete“I don’t think Daddy Sheriff brought me here for love, Howie. I think he brought me here to fix you.”--That is a LOT of story in just one line. I loved it.
ReplyDelete“I don’t think Daddy Sheriff brought me here for love, Howie. I think he brought me here to fix you.”--That is a LOT of story in just one line. I loved it.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite thing in the world is when characters are so well drawn it's like they're sitting right next to me. You've done this and in such a small word count - no easy feat!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite thing in the world is when characters are so well drawn it's like they're sitting right next to me. You've done this and in such a small word count - no easy feat!
ReplyDeleteYou certainly nailed that character. The conflict built subtly - letting me discover - and is unquestionably going to explode. I liked it.
ReplyDelete