Radical


Lilly Jean laughs and shakes her head.  “Man come in t’other day.  Pin striped business suit.”  She looks at me and shakes her finger.  “Never trust a man in pin stripes.  Ain’t that right, Spank?”

Spank nods.  “Pin-stripes is designed to make a average man look more than he is.  But I ain’t never worn ‘em.”

“See that you keep it that way,” Lilly Jean says sternly. “If you want to stay with me. Anyways, this man come in and jest stands there for a minute as if he can’t quite figure on where to plant himself.  ‘Well grab a chair,’ I says to him, giving him a little wave.”  She smiles at Spank.  “Most men can’t resist that wave.”

Howard rolls his eyes at Bitsy, as if to say, Well I can

“So he weaves his way to the back of the diner.  ’I’ll handle this one,’ I says to Ellie, because a’course I’m dying to know what this character is all about.  I hand him a menu and…”  Lilly Jean’s eyes fill with tears. “You know how long Spank and I worked on that menu, don’t you?”

Nods all around.

“Well, Mr. Pin Stripe, he kinda’ wrinkles up his nose at it, says are we sure we know how to do sushi up right?”

Spank frowns; crosses his thin arms across his even thinner chest.

“’Well, sure I’m sure,’ I says.  He raises his eyebrows then, asks me if have anything on the menu for vegans.  Then he goes on to ‘splain what a vegan is, as if we didn’t know.”

“People think we’re a bunch of idiots here,” Spanks says.

“’Hey, are you one a’ them radical food types?’ I ask.  And then,” Lilly Jean’s eyes sparkle.  “I snatch the menu right outta’ his hands and walk away.  Hell, we don’t need that type in here, do we Spank?”

Spank shakes his head.  “I don’t believe we do.”

But secretly I wonder if Spank and Lilly Jean could be wrong.

 This piece was written in response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge.  The word was radical.

It has also been linked to Yeah, Write.
 

Labels:

Writing in the Margins, Bursting at the Seams: Radical

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Radical


Lilly Jean laughs and shakes her head.  “Man come in t’other day.  Pin striped business suit.”  She looks at me and shakes her finger.  “Never trust a man in pin stripes.  Ain’t that right, Spank?”

Spank nods.  “Pin-stripes is designed to make a average man look more than he is.  But I ain’t never worn ‘em.”

“See that you keep it that way,” Lilly Jean says sternly. “If you want to stay with me. Anyways, this man come in and jest stands there for a minute as if he can’t quite figure on where to plant himself.  ‘Well grab a chair,’ I says to him, giving him a little wave.”  She smiles at Spank.  “Most men can’t resist that wave.”

Howard rolls his eyes at Bitsy, as if to say, Well I can

“So he weaves his way to the back of the diner.  ’I’ll handle this one,’ I says to Ellie, because a’course I’m dying to know what this character is all about.  I hand him a menu and…”  Lilly Jean’s eyes fill with tears. “You know how long Spank and I worked on that menu, don’t you?”

Nods all around.

“Well, Mr. Pin Stripe, he kinda’ wrinkles up his nose at it, says are we sure we know how to do sushi up right?”

Spank frowns; crosses his thin arms across his even thinner chest.

“’Well, sure I’m sure,’ I says.  He raises his eyebrows then, asks me if have anything on the menu for vegans.  Then he goes on to ‘splain what a vegan is, as if we didn’t know.”

“People think we’re a bunch of idiots here,” Spanks says.

“’Hey, are you one a’ them radical food types?’ I ask.  And then,” Lilly Jean’s eyes sparkle.  “I snatch the menu right outta’ his hands and walk away.  Hell, we don’t need that type in here, do we Spank?”

Spank shakes his head.  “I don’t believe we do.”

But secretly I wonder if Spank and Lilly Jean could be wrong.

 This piece was written in response to this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge.  The word was radical.

It has also been linked to Yeah, Write.
 

Labels:

31 Comments:

At September 11, 2012 at 6:12 AM , Anonymous Fiona Phillips said...

Love it. I can picture the characters through their dialogue. You have an excellent ear for speech. Thank you for sharing.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 6:19 AM , Anonymous Annabelle said...

Interesting people here! I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to eat at that diner, they are pretty opinionated. I like how they're grandstanding for each other in this piece.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 8:00 AM , Anonymous Stephanie B. said...

This is terrific. Great dialog, great snapshot of small town life, and how an outsider throws it out of balance. Really well done!

 
At September 11, 2012 at 8:45 AM , Anonymous Jessie Powell said...

Ha! I love it. Spank and Lily Jean are quite the characters ,and I love your Ohio town.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 8:54 AM , Anonymous Samantha Brinn Merel said...

This is great. Having lived in a small town for high school and actually been the outsider, I know firsthand how an outsider can throw things off, since I was forever throwing things off for those four years. You captured it perfectly, and I love the dialogue.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 10:11 AM , Anonymous christina said...

OMG I LOVE THIS. brilliant job with the dialogue!!! i mean BRILLIANT.
the Sushi bit really made me chuckle out loud. :)

 
At September 11, 2012 at 10:19 AM , Anonymous IASoupMama said...

I love that line, "People think we’re a bunch of idiots here." I live in a small town and get that frequently. I just sigh and think, "We're in a small college town in Iowa, which means we're all smarter than you, anyway."

 
At September 11, 2012 at 10:44 AM , Anonymous Carrie said...

this just flows so wonderfully. The cadence and twang and expression. You've nailed these characters, Kelly.

Awesome :)

 
At September 11, 2012 at 10:55 AM , Anonymous jaum said...

I missed this group... You always leave us wanting more... Annabelle hit it with "grandstanding for each other".

 
At September 11, 2012 at 11:14 AM , Anonymous Lumdog said...

The dialogue and characters are perfect. I'm sitting in that restaurant like a fly on the wall. I think I'd just get a burger and fries. Nicely done!

 
At September 11, 2012 at 11:19 AM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

NOTE: This comment is waiting for your approval. It is not yet published on your site.

======
Lumdog (unregistered) wrote:

The dialogue and characters are perfect. I'm sitting in that restaurant like a fly on the wall. I think I'd just get a burger and fries. Nicely done!

 
At September 11, 2012 at 3:10 PM , Anonymous Mayor Gia said...

Hahahaha #veganproblems.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 5:34 PM , Anonymous Larks said...

I love how it flows like, "Here we go, folksy restaurant banter, nice character piece and dialogue" and then all of a sudden sushi and veganism get dropped in like "Duh." It's 2012. In age of the smart phone folksy knows sushi. Nicely written. I loved how the dialect didn't get in the way of the dialogue.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 6:29 PM , Anonymous PlaceofGreaterSafety said...

I love how they're looking down at radical food types but they have sushi on the menu.

 
At September 11, 2012 at 9:04 PM , Anonymous Flippa Bird said...

I truly enjoyed this! I laughed out loud reading it. I could hear the accented dialogue in my head as I read. :)

 
At September 11, 2012 at 9:46 PM , Anonymous JannaTWrites said...

This story is so good, from the dialect to the dialogue - love it :)

 
At September 12, 2012 at 10:05 AM , Blogger Treading Water in the Kiddie Pool said...

This was really good. You did the dialogue well. Sometime is stumble when reading dialect but this flowed smoothly and I don't think that was just because I'm a southerner too. I could see the characters in my head as the story progressed. Nice!

 
At September 12, 2012 at 11:12 AM , Anonymous kgwaite said...

This was really good. You did the dialogue well. Sometime is stumble when reading dialect but this flowed smoothly and I don't think that was just because I'm a southerner too. I could see the characters in my head as the story progressed. Nice! on Radical
Remove content | Delete | Spam
Treading Water in the Kiddie

 
At September 12, 2012 at 12:52 PM , Anonymous Change The Topic said...

I want

 
At September 12, 2012 at 2:24 PM , Anonymous Stacie @ Snaps and Bits said...

Amazing dialog. I would find it hard to write those accents but you did a great job!

 
At September 12, 2012 at 6:07 PM , Anonymous Mary Nelligan said...

I agree with the rest of your fans - loved the story, dialect and dialogue. I enjoyed the surprise foodie references along the way ... well done.

 
At September 12, 2012 at 6:25 PM , Anonymous Bill-The Authentic Life said...

I love sushi, but don't think I would buy it from Spank and Lilly Jean!

 
At September 12, 2012 at 7:24 PM , Anonymous Dawn Beronilla said...

You did a really great job creating a good dialogue in what I'm guessing is not your normal dialect? ;-)
Great view into the life of Lilly Jean and Spank!

 
At September 12, 2012 at 9:24 PM , Anonymous Paula J said...

I tink I'd like to spend the day with Spank and Lily Jan. I,love your voice.

 
At September 13, 2012 at 4:11 AM , Anonymous michellelongo said...

I love that Lily Jean and Spank thought Pin Stripes was a real character when I'd argue that they were the real characters!

 
At September 13, 2012 at 11:40 AM , Anonymous Christie O Tate said...

This was tight and engaging. I loved the bit about sushi. Reminds me of my grandmother in her small town.

 
At September 13, 2012 at 1:55 PM , Anonymous werdyab said...

So well written! I loved the dialect!

 
At September 13, 2012 at 3:11 PM , Anonymous Melisa Lunt said...

WONDERFUL dialect! Great read.

 
At September 13, 2012 at 5:50 PM , Anonymous Mamarific said...

Love these characters and their spunky dialogue!

 
At September 13, 2012 at 6:00 PM , Anonymous Tara R. said...

I've missed Lilly Jean, she is such a great character. You've created a wonderful, real, fun person.

 
At September 13, 2012 at 10:52 PM , Anonymous Trifectawritingchallenge said...

Spank is just the most perfect name ever. I like the dialogue, too. You tell a good story. Thanks for linking up.

 

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